SPOILED CHILD
Read the following passage carefully:
1 A spoiled child is an enraged child. Children become enraged when their deepest emotional needs get neglected. Most parent advocates argue that firm limit-setting – and even punishment – is the antidote to spoiling. This is untrue, and only ignores the depth of the problem. The real antidote to spoiling is that parents find ways to meet their children’s needs. Children who get their deepest needs met never become enraged – and would never put up with being spoiled. Such children have nothing to be enraged about. And yet, most parents lack the capacity to meet their children’s deepest needs. And figuring out how to gain this capacity is simply too hard for most parents.
2 Gaining this capacity requires that parents enter realms within themselves that are terribly painful: the realms of their own unresolved childhood needs which lie dormant and split-off in their own unconsciousness. This depth of the unconscious is so off-limits to most parents that it is even hard for them to conceive that it might exist. But it does exist, and their raging child is an externalized manifestation of it. Thus, the sooner the parents control their child’s rage the quicker they can return to their state of blissful denial of just how disturbed they themselves are beneath the surface.
3 Healthier parents try to appease their children’s rage through whatever compensatory means they have at their disposal – primarily through spoiling. Less healthy parents simply try to kill their child’s rage – by burying it.
4 If it were easier for parents to have accessed their own ancient, unresolved anger they would have worked on it. They would have gone within and reflected on their own painful truth, blamed and even confronted the people who were responsible for it, grieved, and ultimately healed through integration. But when this does not happen it passes to their children and the wounds never heal. Today we find many children get angry for small things. The parents look confused and have do not how to address this. Over a period of time, it gets out of control.
Read the given questions and write the answer in a sentence.
1. When do children get enraged?
2. What do parents fail to understand?
3. How do parents control their children’s rage?
4. What happens when parents do whatever their children ask?
5. How can parents understand the unfulfilled needs of their child?
6. What should parents definitely do?
7. What happens when we resolve issues?
8. When do things get out of control?
ANSWERS:
1. Children get enraged when their innermost feelings get neglected.
2. Parents fail to understand their children’s deepest needs. This causes them to become angry.
3. Parents try to give them whatever they ask for, thinking this would bring down children’s anger.
4. This leads to children going out of control. They show their anger on all around them.
5. They can understand this when they go within themselves and find out if they have any unfulfilled desires from their childhood.
6. Parents should reflect within themselves and see what has been bothering them and work and resolve the painful issues.
7. We become happy and relieved from within when we resolve issues.
8. Things get out of control when parents are not able to address the problems their children
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